2 Minuta Dreka - Porno Bizarro

Its no small joke how long the world (well, the goregrind world) has been waiting for a new 2 Minuta Dreka record to drop, and now that it actually has, it has seemingly taken me a whole age to get around to reviewing it. The first thing I notice about Porno Bizarro is its fairly polished production job, which gives the whole thing a massive fucking gut-punch. The sampling has become more obscure, and lends an authentic, disturbing edge to the Dreka's maelstrom of shit. This is a band energised, and I can safely say that the record is worth the wait. 

As far as gurgling, groovy goregrind goes, I have to say that I find 2 Minuta Dreka under-rated. Your average Gutalax fan wouldn't have heard of these guys, for instance, which is a massive shame. One of Italy's finest underground bands, for sure. 

Enema Shower - She Asked For It

Enema Shower are a groovy goregrind/porngrind (yadda yadda) band from Slovakia, playing in a slow but funky style of danceable filth. The vocals are low, thick 'n' heavy (see what I did there, y'know, because it's porno grind!), the guitar work is like razorwire despite the slow speed and the drums possess the satisfying piccolo ping that one expects from musical circles such as this. 

These three guys (and one girl) seem to have a thing for Sasha Grey, who crops up once or twice over the whole record (there's even a track named after her), but generally the song subject matter ranges from the obscene to the rather clever ("Your Safeword Is Harder"). It's hard to stay original in such an inward-thinking sub-genre, and whilst She Asked For It doesn't offer anything particularly new to the pornogrind template it does a really good fucking job of spreading it wide and lubing it up. 

Grind doesn't get much slower than this. Stream below. Butt plug optional.

Gorrendous Whoreplasmia - Manic Insertions

Gorrendous Whoreplasmia is a goregrind/gorenoise project I started in 2013 simply because I'd thought up what I considered to be a really cool fucking name (LOL). I even had a proper logo drawn up (by the late Sludgesicle Records owner Mike Stock, who sadly passed away last year) because I thought the name was just that golden. I can be a total idiot sometimes when it comes to stupid musical ideas, so now that I had this name and this logo I had to go and make some music for it, so I made some shit noisecore, belched some pitchshifted vocals over it and added some dodgy samples and rediculous song titles and released a split. It was terrible. When I got a new computer I recorded an entire cassette EP called Cold Lunch, and followed that up fairly quickly with another, terribly shitty EP.

Then I took a break for a while until recently when I was inspired to make some bowel-churning gorenoise/noisecore influenced stuff so I decided to fire up the Gorrendous Whoreplasmia name as it wasn't being used anymore, and the .PSD file of that wicked logo was just wasting on my hard drive. The resulting recording is what you have here; the ultimate return of the ultimate pointless project. Manic Insertions is super quick, and over in the blink of an eye, but it showcases what type of aural gloop is festering in the pipeline for the future (a recently completed debut full length is rotting on my HDD).

Give it a whirl if you're into this shit. I just can't bring myself to write about / use gore on the album sleeves (it just doesn't feel right to me at all) but I still had to use some absolutely bogging source material for this type of music, so this EP is dedicated to / inspired by the adult actress Hotkinkyjo. If you've got nothing better to do, look her up and prepare to be absolutely horrified (the clue is in the EP title).

Urine Festival - Of A Hermaphroditic Enema & Urophilic Pissparty Pleasure

Urine Festival is one of those things that exist to challenge you on how you feel about a particular genre, sound, theme or subject. A ridiculous form of music at the best of times, goregrind (or porngrind) is known for it's reams of dodgy content and greasy subject matter. Often, it takes somebody or something pushing the elements making up your favourite genre to the absolute maximum extreme before you can begin to reflect and question yourself and your interest in such circles. When one immerses oneself in extreme music one can lose perspective on the extremity of it all ("For if you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you").

Obviously there are sounds more abrasive than this. Harsh noise exists. But for me, the absolute extremity of goregrind laid with Last Days Of Humanity's Putrefaction In Progress record for a very long time. And then I heard Urine Festival (ironically the brainchild of a LDOH member Marc Palmen). Goregrind has meshed rather successfully with noise music these days (gorenoise anyone?) but this album is the first true instance of such an extreme sound. One could argue that the Meat Shits have a lot of credit due in the creation of "music" such as this but I strongly feel that a lot of gorenoise and modern goregrind imitate the puzzling gurgle of Urine Festival.

It's during listening to records such as this I realize just how far I have fallen down the rabbit hole on my quest to discover the musical extremes. This is, quite evidently, not for everyone, but I couldn't recommend it more. 

This full album vid is incorrectly listed as 66 untitled tracks.

Rectal Smegma - Keep On Smiling

Keep On Smiling is one of my favourite goregrind albums ever. It falls into the dancing/groovy/beer-soaked/happy goregrind camp (that also may or may not empower you to dress as a monkey or a banana) rather than the gore-soaked/nasty/primitive/worryingly-graphic goregrind camp. It's hard to do a lot of description about groovy goregrind because once you know what it is, you know what you want to expect and you listen and love it (or hate it) and that's that. Where Rectal Smegma stand out though is with the totally exceptional pitchshifted vocal technique. At first it just sounds like a pitchshifter, but give it a few minutes....bam! So awesome!

Featuring such ditties as "Happy Cock", "Psycho Pudding", "Fat Grannies Are Cool" and "Hitler Only Had One Ball", The Smegma boast the rediculous European party vibe to the absolute max. Top that off with some frankly hilarious artwork and your onto a goregrind classic. Give it a whirl.

GUT - The Cumback

GUT’s The Cumback is perpetually the best and worst comeback record of all time. How do you modernize the sound of a band whose lo-fi dirges shaped the porngrind genre so much? Why, with rap metal and dodgy electronic passages, of course! What The Cumback lacks in genuine grind it makes up for hilarity and dodgy European porno vibes.

If you can see past the filler (and there's a lot of filler - you could probably reduce this down to a decent 8 or 9 song EP instead of a 27 track album) the core of "full band" songs are pretty good. "Pimp The Underground" is the first proper song, followed quickly by the sexcellent "Jenna Haze (You're A Pro)". I love Jenna Haze, and I love this song ("I love you so"). "Three Handsome Guys" can only have been made by a band with the balls to end up starring in a porno, and then you gotta fast forward six whole tracks to get to the next half decent one - "G.U.T. Forever" is a stomping rock n roll declaration of a band that would last forever (or for another five years anyway).

"Aurora Snow (You're Not Bad, Hoe)" continues the pornstar tribute tracks (and GUT are right, she's not bad) before "Throatjob" kicks in. "Throatjob" is by far the best song on the entire album; it's catchy, groovy, and about blowjobs, so you can't really go wrong.

Personally, I stick to early GUT or one of the renunion EPs rather than spin this shambles of an album. It's still got some good jams but overall, it fails to accomplish the simple task of being a listenable album. Saying that, given half a chance, I'd watch these guys live any day of the week, if they decided to reform.

Cemetery Rapist - Plundering Into Vaginal Demolition

Cemetery Rapist is perhaps the wiggerest of all slam projects. I guess if you’re gonna listen to this type of stuff, go straight to the most ridiculous, insane project of the lot. He might not have gansta grills like members of more recent slam bands, but Cemetery Rapist is also probably one of the longest running projects too, and according to my I-used-to-spend-too-much-time-on-Myspace radar, he’s probably been going for about a decade. When your game is super chuggy pornogrind-tinged slam, you gotta give the guy props for still managing to churn out fresh and relevant music. 

Asides from a brief foray with superstardom (lol) by releasing a record on Rotten Roll Rex, Cemetery Rapist has been releasing and supporting his own filth in a true DIY style ever since the project’s inception. In that respect, Plundering Into Vaginal Demolition is no different; it is a self-recorded, self-released CD that is an absolute fucker to get a hold of at a decent price outside of the USA. The pros and cons of the self-funded underground, folks! 

Plundering... offers up another slice of what Cememtery Rapist is all about; sludgy slams over ticking drum machines and str8-from-da-cornfieldz cricket vokills. Skreeeeeeeeeee, motherfuckers, skreeeeeee. Top off the whole circus with some frankly disturbing artwork and hey presto, another fuckin' slamming porno groove gem in the bag. That's how he do. 

Props, homes. 

Analkholic - After Party Shit Stinks

Like any doctor worth his salt will tell you, at least several weekly listens of guttural groovy gore and/or porn grind is vital to maintaining a.) a happy soul and b.) the ability to dance like a total spastic and get away with it. And Analkholic are just what the doctor ordered. That doctor might be dancing around a muddy field in Trutnov with a dildo strapped to his head, but he's still a doctor, dammit. Anyways, Analkholic are fucking awesome. Damp, dirty and dingy groove is the order of the day, with stomachable drum machine beats, rumbling strings and Cthulhu-after-two-blunts vokills. 

This type of shit seems to get a lot of stick these days simply for being what it is - it's like there's a new breed of ultra-PC mongoloids infiltrating grindcore (or perhaps just infinite more numbers of mongoloids have access to the internet and are able to freely voice their opinion like it's actually important or something, amirite? ;D). But fuck it, Analkholic bring the totally sick party vibe with hilarious samples and the perfect dingy goregrind to brighten up your week. 

So do yourself a solid and crank up this band's self-styled "coconut porngore". If you're not dancing by track three then I'm sorry but you are officially an idiot. 

Torsofuck / Lymphatic Phlegm - Split CD

Who would have thought that a split between two uncompromising legends of the goregrind genre could be so fuckin’ shite? Lymphatic Phlegm are not exactly my favourite band in the world; although I respect what they do I find a lot of their stuff kinda sounds like really crummy bedroom black metal. Once you’ve heard one Lymphatic Phlegm song you’ve heard them all, if I am to be brutally honest. That’s not meant as a diss, it is what it is. They are who they are, and they play what they play. They also carry this split. There’s a whole bunch of Lymphatic Phlegm madness here – if your into it, you will enjoy this split.

Torsofuck on the other hand, are lazy as fuck. All we got here is a couple of crappier versions of songs off the full length Erotic Diarrhea Fantasy, making only half of Torsofuck's material exclusive to this split. Seeing as the treble-heavy production on EDF already pushes the limits of half decent studio work, these extra-crappy demo versions are as worthless to me as a Thai hooker cut up into several pieces.

Astoundingly, this is available on Spotify, which isn’t exactly known for its reams of dodgy goregrind. The album art is heavily censored (read: completely different) though. If you’re into this shit, check out the Lymphatic Phlegm material, but don’t bother with the Torsofuck shit. This level of laziness is usually reserved for Agathocles 7”s. Disappointed.

C.A.R.N.E. - The Taste Of Latex

C.A.R.N.E. are a porno-influenced groovy grindcore band from the lubed-up lower bowels of Mexico. The Taste Of Latex, despite splits with Oxidised Razor and Fucksaw, is the band's only full length release to date. Although dirgy as fuck, it is a really groovy album loaded with tupa tupa rhythyms and slow, sludgy pornogrind. The vocals are the only let down; when not croaking and spluttering through the genre-defining pitchshifter muck, they are replaced by a slightly lacklustre farmyard of sound effects, which is a bit of a shame but a given in this genre!

But who could deny such classics as "Monster Dicks" and "Command Garcez 6ick 6ick 6ick" (whatever the hell that means)? I know I can't deny them their ridiculous porno groove. It just is what it is; you either love it or hate it. I for one, love it. Just don't take it so seriously - not the like the slam dudes of the s00per br00tal death metal elite, at least porngrind or pornogrind (whatever) pretty much begs you not to take it seriously.

Get your daily injection of sleaze (without internet pornography)!

Libido Airbag - Knee Deep In Her Pussy

Welcome to the album that got me banned from the Vinyl Junkies group on Facebook! Haha! 

There was some spat happening on there over the use of the nude female form as album artwork. The usual pros and cons were discussed, where the line between pornography and art lies etc. etc., and I argued (quite sensibly, I would like to think) that no matter what the image may be, if the band or artist has chosen that image to represent their sound, it becomes art. It is irrelevant if the image is crass, offensive, moving, beautiful or plain boring. It is now art. A lot of people argreed with me so I posted this record sleeve as a kind of hamfisted example – and was promptly booted from the group. LOL!

But fuck those prudes, this is German techno porno gore grind, bitches! I’m here to dance, not moan about nudity! This is by far the most lo-fi of all Libido Airbag releases, and it is often mistaken for the band’s debut album, but it’s actually a collection of two tape demos. It was released on CD and went out of print many, many moons ago, but Goatgrind Records did the scene a massive service and re-issued the collection on vinyl record for the first time.

Side B has a much better sound than side A, as it’s from a different session. All in all I listen to this album much more now that I have a decent pressing of it; the already muddy sound was crapified even further in dodgy mp3 downloads that I’ve possessed in the past. This pressing was fairly limited to, I think 200 copies, so if you’re gonna get it, I’d get it sooner rather than later (you ever seen the price on out of print Libido Airbag vinyl?).

Rock out with yer cock out!

Gurgle - Scrotum Sap Delicacy

Wow, just how fuckin' nasty this sounds is really beyond any words! Fans of Libido Airbag better be scrambling to hit play on this shit - I'm not kidding. There's legions of lo-fi electronic or techno influenced "goregrind" out there at the moment, and if you're not deep into this shit then sifting through it all can be a bit of a slog. Thank fuck then, for Gurgle, who are just absolutely fucking amazing. Typical porno samples aside, Gurgle is really refreshing for me, simply because it's some D.I.Y. techno goregrind/porngrind/whatever that has actually given a thought for production ethic and all-round musical quality. This shit is meaty. Gianna Michaels' thighs meaty. 

Of course, it's completely typical that something this goddamn brilliant lasts for less than 15 minutes, but it's enough - it's got me hooked; I want more fucking Gurgle in my life, damn it! Whilst I make do with lesser porngrind sounds (or I could just listen to Libido Airbag on repeat whilst snorting amphetamines and crying) I implore you to check this shit out. Favourite track is easily the highlariously titled "Slobberin' The Throbbin' Goblin". 

Stream this and love this absolutely free of charge thanks to Torn Flesh Records. Or do an Immortal Technique - burn it off the fucking internet and bump it outside. Your neighbours will love it. If there's anything that'll win over that girl next door for you, it'll be this, no doubt. 

Satan's Revenge On Mankind - Goreblast

This was one of my first proper tastes of goregrind. I'd discovered the genre online, but this was one of the first records I actually owned, so it holds a special place in my heart (hahaha). Goreblast is an absolute festering mess of picollo snares, shifted vokills and all the fuzz in Germany (or is that Goremany?). Imagine Putrefaction In Progress-era LDOH but slowed down to a doom metal pace and with actual song structure. Throw in a couple of cheekily punky numbers and a myriad of weirdly blasphemous themes (not a usual staple of the goregrind genre, I'll be honest) and you've got Satan's Revenge On Mankind. The tray card reads "Satan's Revenge On Mankind is anti-vegetarian and pro-atom". That pretty much says it all really. On the inner by the disc is the slogan "Satan, Gore & Meat". That fucking NEEDS to be put on a t-shirt.

 

Opener "Vaticandestruction" is a sprawling wreck of a band warming up to disturbing samples, before said band burst into a hat-trick of SxRxOxMx classics; "We Come To Eat You" followed by "Gorevolution" and "Hyperbrutal Splattersatan". Some tracks fall into the comedic theme of something altogether more Anal Cunt ("I Hate Music", "I Hate Nature" and "Jesus Loves You Because He's Gay" as examples), whilst others spin off into something else entirely ("Invoking The Glorious Sado-Nuclear Extermination Of The Christian Plague" and "Infernal Christ Corpse Hacking Butcher Command On Behalf Of The Great Eternal Master Of Hell's Purifying Fire" anyone?). My personal favourite however is "Angels Taste Like Chicken". Groovy!

Throw in a bunch of awfully fantastic artwork and silly musician names and you have the recipe for the greatest goregrind in the universe. This was one of the first CDs that Rotten Roll did, and along with the Splatter Whore debut record, that label was off to a fucking flying start back in '06/7. So if you're into goregrind and are yet to hear the delights that The Almighty Mr. Goreblast and his band of heathen swine invoke, now is the time!

Rompeprop - Gargle Cummics

Ah, Rompeprop! Surely, listening to this band is one of the finer things in life. I don't think there's a song in the entire universe that can put me as quickly into party mode as "Quackquack" can (except maybe "Int(I)Ro(L)" from the previous record). Boasting one of the sickest and most amazing pitchshifted vocal styles in the history of life, Dutch goregrind groove masters return for their 3rd long player. A slight line up shift aside, Rompeprop just carry on what they did with Menstraul Stomphulk and Hellcock's Pornflakes...reducing you to a twist-dancing, comically-dressed spacktard who wants to fly to the Czech Republic every July and dance in a field with other comically-dressed spackers. 

The second track "Foreskin Fart" is a touch on the slow side, but the puzzlingly-titled "Pikzwarteflikkerkak" is a lot faster and upbeat, with an insane groove. "Gr(e)Indhoven" is another stone cold Rompeprop classic with epic amounts of chuggy goodness. "Horrible Hangover" tells the tale of the price one pays for too much dancing in fields in the old Eastern Block. The icing on this 16 track cake of gory goodness is the inclusion of a cover-version of the song "Born to be Wild", with the name (and lyrics) changed to "Porn to be Wild" in true Rompeprop fashion. You simply haven't lived if you haven't heard this rock'n'roll classic sang through a fucking pitchshifter.

Gargle Cummics is a well-rounded, super-fun take on the punishing goregrind sound. If there is ever an instant "in-road" to this kinda shit without trudging through a maze of metal sub-genres first, then I think Rompeprop could be the link. I've yet to see Rompeprop live; something which I need to sort out sooner rather than later. Out on Fat Ass Records and Bizarre Leprous Productions, and limited to only 500 pieces. Blergh!

Porn to be Wiiiiiiiiild!

Necrocannibalistic Vomitorium / Nunslaughter - Split 5"

This little 5" is my first ever experience with the band Nunslaughter. Sure, I've seen the name around for years but it just ended up as one of those things that I never got around to checking out. So, when they split with one of my favourite noisy acts Necrocannibalistic Vomitorium, it was the perfect opportunity to check 'em out once and for all, and I gotta say, I like what I hear! The track doesn't really last that long but it's nice and heavy with a clear and pummeling production. One day soon I'll have to do a little online rootling through some Nunslaughter stuff.

 

Necrocannibalistic Vomitorium have come leaps and bounds since first appearing on the noisecore/porngrind scene a good few years back. The recording here is crystal clear compared to some of their earlier efforts and not only that the playing is tighter than a slaughtered nun's crotch (pun obviously intended). The problem with 5"s is that they look so cool but they (rather obviously) don't hold much music. This shit is over and done with before I can fucking blink.

 

NxVx released this themselves on their prolific and rather excellent label Horns & Hoofs, whom I would definitely recommend checking out if you fancy getting a pile of NxVx stuff in one go.

Anal Whore / Tumour / Urine Festival - Split CD

In another post recently (this one) I suggested off the cuff that somebody should make some mega fucking compilation of the sickest goregrind and porngrind projects related to Last Days Of Humanity. When I stumbled across this sick little fuck at the Rotten Roll stall in OEF I thought for a second that some celestial being might share some love for the sick shit! Granted, Anal Whore isn't related to LDOH (as far as I know, at least), but both Tumour and Urine Festival share links with them. Anyway, enough pointless waffling, on with the show!

 

 

This split CD really is something else. I implore you all to buy it, and bask lovingly in it's glow. This activity I recommend sharing with a loved one; a girlfriend, a grandmother, or a disabled child perhaps. You can leaf through all the free porn in the booklet and tray card as you are both bathed in some of the most disgusting noises ever put to tape. Anal Whore is a fantastic goregrind project; one of the first I heard and one of my favourites. Out of the three projects here, Anal Whore is the most "musically inclined", with a whole universe of shit hot riffs chugging away under the watery sludge and 9,000bpm drum machine. Throw in some worrying samples about enemas, and you've got a recipe for the perfect bedroom goregrind.

 

 

The Tumour stuff is more of the same, but I must say the sound is excellent here. Rogore's bass sounds funkier than ever, pushing the songs on through their B-movie drenched journeys. Urine Festival round off the, err, festival, with some of the most insane watery gore/porn grind in existence, It took me a while to like Urine Festival, I will be honest, but now I'm up all over that shit like maggots on a corpse I simply cannot accept any substitute. Fair dues to the 3 guys involved in making Urine Festival; this is some off the wall shit. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you guys? Ha ha. Sickness to the absolute fucking core.

Speaking of sickness....

Actually, I retract my previous statement. I wouldn't recommend this CD to anyone. It is a festering pile of disgusting filth with cover art to rank amongst the sickest ever. What the fuck is that shit anyway? Is it a tiny penis split down the middle; opened grotesquely for intense urethra play? Or is it some gammy red-raw stretched-out cunt lips; the clit gripped and squished to eye-watering proportions? Y'know, I don't think I ever want to find out (Oct 2013 edit: after much morbid staring at the cover I have devised that it is the latter). I'll just keep convincing myself that it's not real. Fuck you, Divine Noise Entertainment, for this gorrendous release.

Some sicko uploaded the Anal Whore part of this split to Youtube, so check it out (I love how it says "probably not safe for Youtube" on the video art - probably not safe for Youtube? Ha!). 

Necrocannibalistic Vomitorium / SMG - Split 7"

SMG play super shady-sounding rehearsal room grind. At least, on this 7" they play that type of stuff. To be fair, the sound here is terrible. I dunno if the copy I have is warped or something but the guitar sounds absolutely hideous. It's hard to listen beyond that once you've noticed it, so I don't think I can fairly form an opinion on SMG from this 7" alone. I bought it because I want all the NxVx stuff anyway, so it's no big deal; SMG will get a further chance to impress me in the future (just what I need; more grind bands to impress me! Ha!).

 

Necrocannibalistic Vomitorium take a slightly different approach to usual on this split. Sure, it's still bass-driven grindcore fuckery but there seems to be a technicality to the songs that I have not noticed previously. The sound is still DIY as hell, but the bass-lines are a touch more engaging. The artwork is sexy as usual, and so is the transparent purple disc. You gotta love Horns & Hoofs Records; totally dedicated to the cause!

 

Can't find any links to stream this split, sorry all! To make up for it here is another sexy close up of that glorious trans-purple disc.

2 Minuta Dreka / Anal Massaker - Split 7"

I've been meaning to finish my 2 Minuta Dreka collection off for a while, so I was well happy when I caught this in Sete Star Sept's distro at OEF. Now I'm one step further to my goal! 2 Minuta Dreka have some great songs here; "Fecal Raptus" is off the full length I know, but it's cool to own it on 7" as well as it's such a good song. I'm not sure if it is the exact same recording as the album version, but it's very similar. Besides, the other tracks aren't on the full length so all is well and good. Also, bonus points for hilarious artwork!

I couldn't get into Anal Massaker on the first listen. The grind is all good, but I found the vocals to be a bit lacklustre, although eventually they grew on me and now I have another grindcore/noisecore band that I want to hunt down a discography for! Cool / not cool at the same time! I love the warm and fuzzy sound the band has here, it's just great. What the fascination is with Sesame Street characters is though, I'm not quite sure. Sesamegrind?

Anyways this was put out as a collaboration between Nihulus and Raw Noise, and is limited to 500 copies, of which I have number 161. Tops!