Agoraphobic Nosebleed - Honky Reduction

This has to be the benchmark to which all drum machine grindcore is judged. ANb's first full length record is far cry from anything that has followed it (even the lightening fast pharmaceutical headfuck of Frozen Corpse... is a million miles away from this); the production is bassy, fat and bludgeoning, the guitars almost sludgy, and the shrieked, yelped vocals are almost drowned out by the cacophony of the strings and machine. And that harsh noise at the end... Jesus fuck, that's some moody shit which truly encompasses the meaning of the words "power electronics".

Can't really say much more other than just point out a few of my favourite tracks, "Die And Get The Fuck Out Of The Way", "Vexed", "Hat Full Of Shit".... the list, she goes on! Essential! 

Nile - Annihilation Of The Wicked

I love absolutely any band that can keep death metal especially fresh and vibrant, without becoming too gimmicky. Nile have a hit and miss discography, in my opinion, but 2005's Annihilation of the Wicked on Relapse Records is a monolithically heavy recording of blasting ancient Egyptian brutality. If there is a world in history that was particularly grim and unforgiving, ancient Egypt ranks pretty high on that scale. With sarcophagi bursting open with mystical and disturbing subject matter to fuel Nile's song-writing fire, the "band what like does songs 'bout Egypt and that" have given us thus far seven albums of Pharoahcious (I went there) death metal. 

The first thing I noticed through the chunky, Relapse-budgeted production was the immense, seemingly unstoppable wall of drums provided by one George Kolias. On sheer performance, discipline and astounding stamina this record is aeons above other death metal records alone, but couple said drumming wizardry with immensly technical riffs and super-complicated songs about stuff you can never begin to understand, and Nile take the crown with this record for the most elitist death metal performance that wasn't boring or even maybe contrived. 

After a brief intro, the first proper song, "Cast Down The Heretic" blasts a fucking hole in your skull. "Sacrifice Unto Sebek", the single from this album, oddly reduces the pace a bit, before we get the first of three 9-minute epics, "User Maat Re", which is mind boggling in scope and duration. There's always time for more ultra-elitist Egyptian tunage - "Chapter Of Obeisance Before Giving Breath To The Inert One In The Presence Of The Crescent Shaped Horns" (lol) - before "Lashed To The Slave Stick" comes in. This track is one of my favourite death metal songs of all time. The album closes off with two more (approx) 9-minute epics, making Annihilation... a long but ultimately satisfying trip into a world of unstoppable death metal force. 

If you're into this shit and haven't heard this album....Well, I dunno how that's really even possible, but check out the link below.

Agoraphobic Nosebleed / Halo - Split 7"

I think this is probably the hardest thing in the ANb discography to get a hold of. Sure, the Insect Warfare split and the Converge split can fetch rather hefty prices, and Tentacles of Destruction is fairly limited, but for sheer difficulty in regards to unoptainability (is that even a word? *edit - no, it's not), the split EP with Halo currently holds the crown (seeing as I don't have all the ANb shit yet, I won't say for definite, but I'd be surprised if anything else is more difficult to obtain).

The three original ANb tunes are from the Altered States era (they have that sound/feel, at least), and they are the typical old-school ANb stock of uber-fast drum-machine grindcore punishment. What I didn't see coming however, was the Slayer cover that takes up most of their side. "The Antichrist" definitely sounds a lot better with Richard Johnson on vocals, but I was never the biggest fan of Slayer, so I could take or leave this cover version.

Halo are the polar-opposites to ANb, in the speed stakes, at least. Deathly slow drumming and horrendous guitar feedback and low-end vibes make up the main "songs", where sparse but abrasive vocals howl over the top of it all, creating a rather unsettling yet interesting listen. Despite it's snail-like pace, the track doesn't last that long and I am left contemplating whether to search for more Halo material or not...

This was released on Relapse Records a while ago now, and was part of some subscription series. That's probably why it is so bloody difficult to come by. I'm glad I've finally gotten a hold of it though, as it goes towards the inevitable completion of my ANb collection, and it also contains ANb material that isn't available anywhere else, as far as I can tell.

Trivia - did any of you eagle-eyed ANb fans notice that track one is titled "Street Magician" on the cover but the same track is named "Ghetto Wizard" on the inner sleeve? 

Agoraphobic Nosebleed / Apartment 213 - Split 12"

Apartment 213 are fantastic, muddy as hell powerviolence-fused grindcore. This is all well and good, but they are annihilated here by the material on the ANb side. We all know splits aren't competitions, but sometimes one band will just totally outweigh the other. Sorry guys! It is with a small irony then that Apartment 213's vocalist guests on all the songs on the ANb side.

 

The Agoraphobic stuff here is unlike anything else in their catalogue. From what I can tell, the sound seems to be stripped down to just bass and drum machines? I'm not entirely sure if Hull's guitars are tuned excessively low or it is just basses in use here, but shit, it sounds amazing! Enough fuzz and groove to give Om a wake up call, and enough heaviness to compare with Filth-era Swans; this is bass music at it's finest! The only ANb long-timer to appear here is Randall, performing (as usual) with an enormous amount of venom. Coupled with Steve 213's powerviolence grunts, the songs on offer here really are as angry as you can get.

 

I love all the songs, but "Unwelcome Remarks" is probably my favourite out of the three, containing some of the greatest ANb lyrics ever; "I've never known a cokehead to forget a line", "I'd rather piss on my own hand than shake yours" and "Simon says 'watch your fucking mouth around the other fucking adults'" all of which sound a bit unusual when isolated but make up one of the angriest songs ever made. Holy shit! Out on Relapse Records

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Pig Destroyer / Isis - Split 7"

This is one my favourite splits ever! Limited to 2000 copies thanks to Relapse Records. There is the usual Relapse 100 clear, 100 on orange, a bizarre 50 on white, and the remaining 1750 on black. I was lucky to get a black copy at a fairly decent price, but be wary that the white and orange pressings can fetch hefty price tags on record collector websites.

 

Classic Pig Destroyer are on top form, covering the goregrind legend that is (or was) Carcass. There is simply not a better version of "Genital Grinder / Regurgitation of Giblets" in existence. "Exhume to Consume" leaves a bit to be desired vocal-wise, but for the most part is an ultra-tight, lightening-fast zip through a classic track from the genre.

 

Isis on the other hand, opt for something a lot more slow and dirgy. With Agoraphobic Nosebleed's Jay Randall in tow they sucessfully create their own very unique version of the legendary Godflesh song "Streetcleaner". Not as sprawling in production as the original, but is almost suffocating with claustrophobia.

Agoraphobic Nosebleed - Altered States of America

I remember back in the day when I first heard of this album. I remember how ridiculously excited I was to hear something so musically challenging. 100 songs? Less than 20 minutes? Bitch please, you must be trippin'! And trippin' I was when I first got this record in it's original 3" CD package from some crazy-mainstream outlet like Virgin Megastore or Zavvi (I forget which). I now own this testament to insanity three times; on the original 3" CD, the double shaped/blank CD package featuring ANbRX II (which is a fuckton of Delta Nine remixes) and on white 10" vinyl. All pressed by Relapse, of course. The vinyl version conveniently plays track 0 for you right at the start, which was always a nightmare to hear on the CD version because you had to rewind from 00:00 as soon as the first song started. If you wound back too far it'd just fucking cut out, which was a pain in the ass. Agorapocalypse also has this cool but rather annoying gimmick with it's first track too.

 

 

When I first heard this at 15 years old I expected 100 micro-grind blasts to the face and was initially disappointed with the electronic passages. I felt like I was being robbed of precious grindcore, ha ha! Although I still think it's a bit shit that the electronics are cut up into little pieces and passed off as songs, I have grown to like these just as much as the grind on display here. Some of the samples here are absolutely timeless when blended with such harsh noise (there is a lot taken from the film Holy Mountain). I always thought that the 12 Days of Sodom section in the middle of the record would be excellent as an EP in it's own right, as something crazy like a 4" or something.

 

Which CD is cooler, the original pressing or the reissue?

The CD reissue comes with this nifty remix disc by Delta Nine. 

So yeah, I'll go ahead and cut this off now before I ramble for seven thousand paragraphs about every single micro-song on this record. I've kinda fizzled myself out on grind these days but Agoraphobic Nosebleed remain one of my favourite bands of all time and this record stands in the halls of awesome grind as proof that such sonically mindfucking music can exist. 

Pig Destroyer - Prowler In The Yard

Pig Destroyer's Prowler record is considered a modern classic in the world of American grind, and it doesn't take a genius to see why. Adding a poetic, dark and downright creepy edge to the hyper-precision blasts helped Pig Destroyer stand apart from the legions of other grindcore acts clamoring for attention; and despite what your opinion is on what Pig Destroyer has become these days, it is very hard to deny that Prowler isn't an absolute corker of an album. All the intensity in the world meets in this one 22 track monster.

 

"Jennifer" is one of the best album openers ever, and sets the creep-o-meter fairly high. Bombardments of micro-blasts follow uniformly, punctuating stops in the frenzy of hypergrind with the odd chuggy moment or neck-snapping groove. It is not until side B however, that the Destroyer of Pigs slows things down to a crawl pace; "Hyperviolet", "Starbelly" and "Piss Angel" are absolute monstrosities, utilizing the slow and doomy approach rather than smashing through the wall completely with the grind. This was definitely a  precursor of what was to come in the epic Natasha; a sprawling 35-minute audible nightmare, and is also a continuation into territory explored on the progressively hellish older song "Pixie".

All in all, Prowler In The Yard has something for everyone, as far as extreme metal goes. Well, barring any black metal moments, thank fuck. That would just be awkward. What we have here is a recording of Pig Destroyer in their prime; the excellent three piece line up that recorded this and follow-up album Terrifyer. J R Hayes' vocals are at their peak during these two album sessions, and you cannot beat him for sheer velocity and rabid enthusiasm; he is one angry fucker! Limited to 1000 pieces on Relapse Records.

 

diSEMBOWELMENT - Transcendence Into The Peripheral

Imagine how stupid I felt after shelling out for the super-ultra-mega-wicked-limited edition of this record that was ONLY available at day one of Roadburn 2012 when I found out there was actually less to it than the normal Relapse package and a few quid more expensive! Bitch please! In a European world where records cost an average of 20 Euros each I was not impressed. Never mind, I guess it is the same record regardless, not to mention it is just that; super-ultra-mega-wicked. Oh boy.

diSEMBOWELMENT were another one of those bands that I would always hear mentioned and I would never get around to checking out. Shame on me. When Roadburn 2012 announcements came around and I finally was forced to download this to get familiar with them, boy was my face red. Nowadays my tolerance for death metal is as thin and worn out as Sasha Grey's taint, and for that reason I will kick myself eternal that I did not discover this record in the peak of my death metal / grindcore days, where I surely would have appreciated it more!

But it is no matter, it is still slower than a Land Rover Defender stuck in 2nd gear, and I can get down with that. "Death metal? Slow, you say? Have you had too many knocks on the head?" I hear you ask. Why yes I have, but that's besides the point. I think this is the first death-doom record I own; that's not to say that it is pure death-doom, you get the odd blast beat and a whole bunch of weird stuff to keep it interesting. If you like your records long, drawn out and quite honestly painful, I would highly recommend this band.

Check out track two on this fucker, it has the most epic intro ever.

Japanese Torture Comedy Hour - Voltage Monster

This was my first ever noise CD. I accidentally bought it before I'd even heard of the noise genre, let alone of Merzbow or any of his button-pushing, knob-twisting, pedal-stomping ilk. I bought this CD once upon a long time ago off the Relapse mail order, purely because Jay Randall was involved. Boy did I have a shock when I played the fucker! At 17 years old I was at no stage in my musical development to even fathom the existence of - let alone appreciate - something as downright artsy-fartsy and nihilistic as harsh noise.

If some beret-wearing hipster had told me: "You gotta look passed it, maaaaaaan, to find the textures with the chaos, maaaaaaaaaaan, for each and every one of us interprets noise in a special cerebral way, maaaaaaan!" I would have set fire to his silly little beard and pushed the fucker down a flight of stairs. After insisting he shut the fuck up and listen to some goregrind, of course. However, as the existence of noise and power electronics as genres became apparent to me with time, I eventually remembered this prickly little CD gathering dust in my collection that I bought so many moons ago.

It suddenly all made so much sense! You're right, potentially imagined hipster with a silly beard! I can see (or is it hear?) the beauty within the chaos. I can interpret patterns and textures beneath the sea of mindfucking white noise like the best of 'em! Voltage Monster might not be as challenging or downright fucking insane as JTCH's 24-hour song "Lost in Distortion", but it is still as vicious, pairing the most head-frying harsh noise with the creepiest offerings of dark ambient.  I'll soon be running out of fancy adjectives so it's probably better if I just shut up now and let you listen to the track below and be done with it. Open your ears, and your mind, maaaaaaaaan!

Zeke - Tour 7"

 

I never know what to make of Zeke. I picked this 7" up purely because it was so cheap on Relapse a few years ago. I picture this band to be great live. I envision it as fast sludge. It is like rock'n'roll and hardcore punk mixed into a sludgy southern feel. There are a lot of traditional influences here, and it even sounds like something altogether more Black Label Society in parts. Hmm. Puzzling. This is pure rock and / or roll, so I'll just shut the fuck up and let you enjoy the tunes! Bang your head and drink some fuckin' whiskey, boy! 

What I have here is the standard black pressing, limited to 1000 copies. A further 900 exist on transparent gold (looks orange more than anything) and the usual Relapse 100 on clear. Although this is out of print, it can still be picked up very cheap online, especially the standard black which is averaging around £3 on Discogs right now. 

The County Medical Examiners - Olidous Operettas

This has to be one of my favourite records - just look at those colours! The way this album was packaged and marketed by Relapse was brilliant; alongside this excellently neausaeting vinyl package, the CD version came with extravagant packaging and a formeldihyde scented disc for ultra-mortician vibes. That's dedication!

 

For me, I find that I love The County Medical Examiners because they fill the void that Carcass left when they fucked off to make shit melodic death metal. In fact, I'd even go as far as to say they sound more like Carcass than Carcass ever have, and if you don't like Carcass, something tells me you won't like this.

 

The County Medical Examiners have come along way from their demos, and even their first LP. It really was a suprise for me that they would make such a well produced and heavy as fuck album. Anyone who has heard their earlier demos should sympathize with my opinion here. Olidous Operettas is fathoms above anything else this band has ever done. It is a shame that they haven't done anything since.

 

 

The joking-personas of band members indicates this is obviously a side project, and I hope that this isn't the end of the line for them. Although I gotta say, it'd be hard to top this record.
"Casper's Dictum" is one of my favourite grind/death metal songs, so please play it loud. Oh, and did I mention that they sound like Carcass? That's pretty important.