Misfits - The Devil's Rain

It turns out that sometimes you just can’t polish a turd.

Back when this steaming pile of shit was first released, I, like many other Misfits fans clinging onto hollow vestiges of hope, checked out this record with fingers crossed. Hey, you gotta admit that the cover art is totally fucking epic - what fiend wouldn’t be half-tempted by the glorious image of Mr. Skullface looking all power metal? But, when a masterpiece of a sleeve hides a terrible turd of a record then the whole situation seems a million times worse for some reason; it’s like you’ve not only been totally gutted but you’ve been lied to as well. It’s like the small comfort in a rapist whispering creepily “it’ll all be over in a few minutes”, and then you find out later on that you’ve got HIV.

I want to line up the legions of yes men who told Jerry Only it was a good idea to do another Misfits album (especially after Project 1950) and machine-gun them all with paintballs. Musically, Devil’s Rain is soundly put together, although it’s a little boring and Only’s bass is mixed suspiciously low. This record is like the …And Justice For All of the horrorpunk genre. 

But seriously, my real issue here is with the vocals - the out of tune, tired and flaccid croons of a withering legend trying to mimic peers departed; a retarded karaoke lovechild of Danzig and Graves, which fails to not only reach the prowess of either, but also to spark any sort of ignition on these already half-arsed, plodding, tedious songs. 

It genuinely baffles me how anyone aware of the Misfits legacy could possibly enjoy this album, and I strongly suspect that anyone who willingly paid money for this record may have some sort of mental illness. Avoid. 

For the love of holy fuck don’t click play on this video.
 

Misfits - Static Age

Static Age is probably my favourite "early" Misfits release (even though it wasn't released for sometime after). Earth A.D. is fast and even heavy, Walk Among Us probably the most legendary, but Static Age the most solid and consistent. Static Age to me, feels like a true long player, despite the fact that these songs have been released here there and everywhere over the last 30 odd years or so, in various guises and mixes. Static Age finally pulls together the early Misfits era into a genuine album.

I don't think there's a single track here that's not a total Misfits classic, or - some would probably agree - are not total punk classics in their own right. It's a weird, rocky and romantic take on punk music that hadn't quite fledged into the horror punk that Danzig's Misfits would become so renown for. It's like The Rolling Stones meets Electric Wizard at a Sex Pistols gig (if I could be so bold). The horrendous lyrics for "Last Caress" just don't seem to fit the swaggering vintage rock, but hey, I'm not complaining. I'll also say quickly that a lot can be said about Jerry Only, but fuck me this bass sound here is spot on. It tends to lead the songs, where the dissonant guitars fuzz out the remaining space. Banging, son, as us Brits say.

The title track seems like more of a intro that anything, and the album for me begins properly with the excellent "TV Casualty". "Return Of The Fly" is the best song in the world with the worst lyrics in the world (and again that warbling lead bass), and that's followed by the hat-trick of "Hybrid Moments", "We Are 138" and "Teenagers From Mars". "Theme For A Jackel" bring piano to punk in such a bad way as Embalming Theatre brought piano to grindcore ("Bulldozer Blues" haha) but the three tracks that round off this album are some of my favourite songs of all time. 

I googled this album because I was writing this review and I was fucking elated to find out that the band (or what's left of it) are currently touring Static Age, playing it in it's entirety, and are coming near me a few days before my birthday. Fuckin' A.

Dehydrated Tissues - Gore Junkie

Holy shit this is some of the groovyest goregrind stuff I've heard in a long while! I just wanna get up and dance around the house, or more preferably a muddy field in the Czech Republic. I'm glad to be set to release a 4" record of this guy later this year - that is something I am greatly looking forward to. Pairing the nasty sounds of early LDOH with the "vibe" that I can only associate with the Myspace days of goregrind, and taking the groovy riffs and pitchshifted vocal styles along the lines of Rompeprop, Dehydrated Tissues packs a hell of a gory punch!

 

Gore Junkie was written and recorded entirely by the one member of the group; Bobby Maggard. It was also self-released on his own label, the aptly-titled Regurgitated Stoma Stew Productions. You can get this record (and hundreds of others) directly from the guy himself so check out his stuff! In the meantime, enjoy a few Dehydrated Tissues tracks on the Soundcloud player below!

Misfits - Legacy of Brutality

Early Misfits seems to me to suffer to the same bane as Agathocles, all the same shit seems to be released on tons of different bloody albums. It is hard to tell what is the original recording of a track and what is different. I was going to start off by saying that Legacy of Brutality mixes alternate recordings of some tracks with other tracks that are originally off...then I drew a blank. They really didn't know how to handle their shit back in the day! Ha ha. 

I personally judge everything by Static Age, although it wasn't released until 1997 or some shit, it was the original record and that was how it was intended. Anything else is compared to that tracklist and mix to make things easier, including Legacy of Brutality, the most confusing 12" ever. For a start, the tracks are listed backwards on the sleeve. Side B is first, then A. Also there are a whole bunch of numbers running down the side of them like track lengths should. Fuck knows what they mean. I'll have to look it up. Crazy ol' Legacy of Brutality. Is it a compilation? It is a full length? EP? Who fucking knows, and when it comes to the music, who really fucking cares?

 

It is rather amazing for a band so typical of the punk sound to sound so unique. I guess Danzig's vocals have a lot to do with that, although the early Misfits sound very much out of tune, as if none of them can actually play a damned thing. There are some great tunes on this album though! "Where Eagles Dare" is a massive sing along of a tune, so is "Halloween" and "Hybrid Moments". "She" is one of my all time favourite songs ever, "Theme for a Jackal" is just downright odd, as is Danzig's best/worst Elvis impersonation on "American Nightmare", which oozes rockabilly grease and shitty guitars. All in all I can't help but love this collection of awesomesauce tunage, but if I were you, I'd just buy Static Age, which is so damned good and at least sounds like a coherent record rather than a jumble sale.