Jesus Crost - Tot

Holy mother of fuck this is some fast fucking grindcore. This shit puts shame upon a whole world of bands claiming on "fast" and "brutal"; Tot is a short, sharp explosion of anger, distortion and all the blastbeats left in Holland. I guess it helps that the production is proper high-end and crystal clear, giving Jesus Crost all the professional space they need to fully unfold their maelstrom of football-themed fastcore fuckery. Soccergrind? Maybe not, but at least it sounds amazing!

Opener "Taurin 400" really sets the pace and bar for the rest of the record; a blasting and pummelling assualt of the senses that lasts a mere matter of seconds. It is hard to really tell the tracks apart by name, although there is the odd riff casually thrown in for good measure. Other than that though it's all blast blast blast, fast fast fast! I guess Jesus Crost know what they are about, and just get the fuck on with it, and quickly too. If you know what you're looking for in your music and this happens to be it then look no further my friend! Ha ha!

The "Bonustrax" live recordings from OEF 2008 tacked onto the end of the record leave a lot to be desired, however. I'm not sure how an accurate portrayal of Jesus Crost live these recordings show, but this is pretty awful. The band here sound nothing like the amazing band on the studio tracks here.

This is also available on a white 10" but I bought it on CD first so what are you gonna do...out on France's excellent Bones Brigade records.

Total Fucking Destruction - Childhater (Flexi)

All these years I've been collecting records and I've never come across a flexi and all of a sudden I have three of them in a month. When it rains, it pours, eh? I don't really know of that much stuff on flexi that I want; there's a Swans "New Mind" promo flexi which I hope to end up owning and a live Enemy Soil flexi, but other than that, there isn't much else. It seems to me that the format is making a comeback these days. I was surfing and decided to check out how the great people at Pirates Press are doing these days, and their website now has a whole new section on flexi manufacturing. To be fair, the prices aren't too bad considering the quality of sound you can pack into these things. I think that if you could do two-sided flexis we'd have a new flurry of split EPs on flexi format. What do you think?

My first gripe with this flexi is that the hole is too tight (that's what she said) and the record stays still whilst the platter spins. I have to stick a pen in there and wiggle it about a bit to widen it, which wasn't a massive pain in the arse but these things are so delicate I was afraid I'd damage the fecking thing in the process. Fortunately, this worked a charm and I was able to spin TFD in all their scatterfucking glory. I really miss TFD. Not that they've got anywhere, I just don't listen to them enough. The songs here are the borderline-insanity grindcore that we all know and love, and whilst I don't think it really expands upon the TFD sound in any way I do honestly believe if something isn't broken then there is no need to fix it. I could listen to a hundred of these EPs. Massive thanks to the sadly finishing To Live a Lie Records for pressing this on red, limited to 500 copies.

Arial Shannon's Head In An Industrial Press - Nothing Gets My Dick Harder Than The Screams Of A Dying American 7"

This shitstorm of a noise/grind record was released in 2004 by Noise Annihilation Records, a sublabel of the parent label Festering Deathfuck Decomposition. All copies are red. I do not know how many were made.

This is worth having for the song titles and band name alone. On the back of the sleeve it says "ASHIAIP play lofi as fuck hizbulla blastgrind", and I don't think I could have put it better myself. If you're not into the harsher side of things, you'll no doubt hate this, but for me it's a sure winner. Check it out!