50 Cent - Before I Self Destruct

Before I Self Destruct starts off promising as hell before falling off in the second half, gradually getting worse and worse until it closes with one of the worst songs ever written; "Could've Been You" parades out R Kelly like a secret ace card, but when the dickhead is literally crooning about smelling his own shit (no joke) in the chorus, all credibility goes out the fucking window. Shame he couldn't smell the shit coming outta his mouth when he recorded this fucking farce of a track.

Anyway, I've jumped right to the end, so let's back up a bit. We have a few stand out tracks, especially towards the beginning of the album. There's also a half decent collab with Eminem on "Psycho" (wow look, Em is singing about being a mentalist, how original!) but other than that, this thing is as shit and pointless as the movie 50 Cent made with the same name. Kudos to the record title though, as this thing definitely makes me want to force dynamite down my throat and light the fuse. 

Esham - KKKill The Fetus

I’ve really been digging Esham recently. Well, I’ve always loved this guy (one of the few positive things to come out of my teenage obsession with ICP) but I discovered that a whole bunch of his albums are streaming on Spotify, which is absolutely great news because a ton of his early works contained a pile of uncleared sampling and are therefore seemingly forever confined to the “out of print” section of music industry hell. Asides from downloading some awful torrent files or picking up an overpriced CD when it sprang up on eBay or Discogs, Youtube was the only way to really hear these old Esham gems. Until now.

I’m sure this sample-thievery will catch up with The Boogeyman sooner or later though (edit: Closed Casket, my favourite Esham record, has already disappeared off Spotify). KKKill The Fetus is a close second though, in degrees of “Tha Wicket Shit”. Perhaps unsurprisingly, KKKill The Fetus is a dark and somewhat vulgar hip hop record that gives off puzzling overtones of violence and misogyny. This is acid rap after all, but I fear sometimes Esham’s message is clouded in an attempt to be shocking and offensive; in his early work, at least. The title-track is a perfect example, what should indicate a full support of a woman’s choice to terminate or not becomes a hamfisted hatefuck of an attack against the black lower class, and seems almost to glorify or even revel in the actual process of killing a fetus. Granted, Esham can say what the fuck he likes – it’s his album – but I’m getting mixed messages here.

If you’ve not heard Esham before this older material can be pretty abrasive compared to most hip hop (and no, hipsters; not in the way that Death Grips does it). The entire ICP sound can be attributed to “Game Of Death”featuring Mastamind. To be honest, the similarities here are uncanny. “Game Of Death” could easily have been on one of the first ICP records. It’s easy to see how Esham has turned bitter towards the duo in recent years, as they basically built their success off of his and his peer’s backs.

Nevertheless, this is a pillar in the history of underground hip hop. Without this record there’d may well be no Eminem, and most definitely no Insane Clown Posse.

KKKlick the Button!

D12 - Fight Music

"Fight Music" is probably one of my favourite singles off the D12 album Devil's Night, as it incorporates a much harder edge to it. When I was a wee lad the rockier guitar parts of this track helped me get into D12, and whilst it turned out that a majority of their songs don't actually sound like this, it helped plant the seed, and after the strength of the "Purple Pills" (or "Hills", as I first heard it) single as well, really cemented my D12 fandom.

I don't wanna perpetuate a 12-year-old-white-girl stereotype, but Eminem's part of this track smokes all of the rest of the band's rhymes, hands down, although Bizarre's lines are pretty funny, and twisted, as per usual. The song also boasted a shit hot production style, the beats being similar to that of Eminem's own Marshall Mathers LP, which came out not long before this. 

You can pick this up for virtually next to nothing off websites such as Discogs, if you are somewhat into collecting this shit. You can also get the D12 album which this is off for pennies on the Amazon Marketplace.

Dr. Dre - 2001

Aaah my life! I simply cannot fathom how fucking amazing this record sounds! Having heard this possibly a hundred thousand times since I was 11 years old, I finally bought this album when I saw it on the "home listening" rack in Cardiff's Catapult Records. I know I waffle on about how fucking great vinyl is (that's the original point of this website, really) but Jesus fuck...it really, really makes the difference to make sure your music on the right format! The bass lines here reach a whole new low, and the music reaches a whole new level of stereophonic scope. Just hearing the cheeky Dolby-esque orchestral rush that Dre put at the beginning of this record is enough to know that this sound is phenomenal. I'm not gonna go off on one about expensive music systems or anything, but shit...if you LOVE music then you NEED to put down that fucking mp3 player and get some records. PLEASE for the loving of fucking God, do it! You will not regret it. I invite ANY of you to come over my place and listen to this record and smoke a couple of bowls...if it means converting you to the way of the wax!

Anyways, onto the record itself! Ha ha! Every good bone in my body tells me that I shouldn't like gangsta rap, with it's hella macho-posturing, subliminal racial segregation, promotion of violence and extreme misogynistic overtones...but hey, I love fucking pornogrind bitches, so I guess all hope is lost! Ha! I can't deny a good beat when I hear one, and I sure as hell can't hate on an amazing flow, regardless of the lyrical content. I am partial to the occasional blunt, sure, but I don't go around smacking bitches if they don't "get all up on this dick" (perhaps I should try that?) and I more than definitely don't carry a "piece", but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate the lamentations of people who do (or used to, at least).

I would go into every song here but there are so many fucking classics that this review will go on and on and on forever. I find it pretty crazy that I am so passionate about an album that really, reaaallly doesn't fit into my selection of other favourite albums. 2001 was definitely written about a certain place and time (even though it came out in 1999, figure that one out) but what Dr. Dre and his endless roster of cohorts have created is something that is immortally timeless (in the world of rap, that is). Dr. Dre (and Eminem, and I suppose ICP) taught me that music doesn't have to be heavy as fuck to be cool. Growing up, I definitely think that being into rap from a young age has stopped me from developing the insane narrow-mindedness that a lot of "open-minded" metalheads possess. How's that new Devildriver record treating you, fuckwads!?

I'm gonna round this off for now or we'll end up like one of my Godflesh reviews and last for like 20,000 paragraphs. If you're into this record, you CANNOT go wrong by getting this on wax. If you haven't got a record player, then buy one. If you've never heard a track off of this record then....fuck, what are you waiting for?

D12 - Shit On You

I always have mixed feelings about D12: the potential with the group was absolutely fantastic; each artist is an excellent rapper in their own right, but if they work together as a group or not is something that has always bugged me. I guess it's the endless "it's Eminem's old band, innit" that pisses me off. The first record shared the load fairly but the second album parodied this yet lived up to it entirely; employing Mr. Mathers as the lead vocal in nearly every song, not to mention on nearly every bastard chorus. But I digress. This is about a single that was released around the time of the first record, and is actually pretty awesome.

The beat comes on like some pretty serious hip hop; a whole level of Immortal-Technique-ganna-fuck-shit-up vibe, but by the time Bizarre hits the mic and Em's chorus of shitting on your family comes in, the hardcore street-beat has lost all seriousness. The B side is the track "Under the Influence" which originally appeared on Eminem's second album, so it's kinda cool to have it here collected under the D12 name. This 12" is deffo for collectors / die-hards only, and offers no real merit to anyone who wasn't a DJ in 2002.